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Recently, I found myself in a situation where I had to ask what my intentions and my desires for the future were.  My heart was screaming that I needed to start dating again, but when I prayed about it God was telling me to wait.  This has been a common theme in the past year, but as each opportunity came and went I remained faithful and waited.  God has a plan for my life that is way above what I could ever plan or do on my own.  As I look to Him, as my guide through this life, He has been faithful and provided what He shows me is to come.  It is almost like a romance that starts with the questions about trust and the feelings of emotional hope.  Then, as time passes and experience grows trust is gained.  Your faith in each other becomes a bond that is not easily broken. Your heart begins to fill with a peace and comfort when your in the presents of the one you love.  Yes, this is how I feel about my Lord Jesus Christ.  He has been there romancing me through every good and difficult time in my life, guiding me, teaching me, growing me into the man He wants me to be.

With any romance there will be difficult times, this life is filled with them.  It doesn’t take much to find an article in the paper, a show on TV, or just talking to a friend to know that relationships are not easy.  So this article is a look at the guidance that is given in the Bible for starting and maintaining a relationship.  What you choose to do with this information is between you and God, but there is only one truth and one way to live.  Jesus teaches us this truth through the Bible.

The starting point of any relationship is as friends.  If you skip this step many of the foundational areas of the relationship do not occur and the stability of the relationship is in jeopardy.  This is a time to grow in your understanding of the person you are with.  This stage is often a place where you feel like everything is right, like the person you are with can do no wrong.  You are full of hope and your emotions are raging.  This is also a place of discovery, where you seek to understand the person’s desires and who they are.  This is the time to determine if the person you are with loves Christ as much as you do.  The Bible says to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well,” Matthew 6:33.  This is the call that we are to live by.  We must determine if the one we are with can live by this truth with us and if we will grow closer to God as we grow closer to each other.

The next step is discovering each other.  This step is a part of the first step, but it is more of an active stage where a couple makes the choice to move closer to each other.  In this stage the excitement tends to be somewhat less and the discovery of the person you are with tends to grow.  You begin to see them for who they are, the areas that bug you as well as the areas that you find wonderful.  Your communication depends and you truly begin to feel love and respect for one another.

Then there is the choice of commitment.  This is where a relationship truly starts, till this point either person has the opportunity to back away from the relationship or to stay.  This is a stage that most people rush into in order to be able to relax and feel secure.  This stage is an active choice by both people to promise to be a part of the relationship and to work at the relationship.  In this stage the relationship is settled, you know you both want to be together.  Communication is essential in this stage so that the foundation for your future will be properly built and tended to.

After the commitment stage there are other various stages that occur in a relationship, but these stages tend to be associated with the life patterns of the people involved.  These stages include the honeymoon, power struggle, growth, and having a child.  Some of these stages are repeated over and over depending on the couple.  The important thing to remember in these stages is that you need to be your partner’s number one cheerleader.  You need to take time to be together and you need to actively work to grow your relationship.  In this stage the couple must learn to settle differences in their relationship.  A relationship is not about you, it’s about pleasing your partner, but both people have to live by this motto to make it work.

So where does it all start?  Do people really think it is always going to be perfect?

A relationship starts with a pursuit; Biblically this is supposed to be the man perusing a woman, although encouragement from a women is sometimes what helps a man get the nerve to begin the pursuit.  The Bible is clear about the fruit of the spirit (But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23) and our continual pursuit to guard our heart (Proverbs 4), these aspects of our life help us to choose the person we desire to be in a relationship with.  Yet, if God is all-powerful and if He is big enough to create the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1, Job 38-42:6) don’t you think He can provide a spouse designed just for you.  The Bible says that God loves us and wants to provide for our needs (Isaiah 58:11) that He will guide us and give us hope (Exodus 13:21, 15:13, Psalm 23:3, 25:5, 48:10).  If all that is true then why do we worry so much about relationships?  God has a plan that is specifically for you (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11) and He will bring it to pass as long as you are following His guidance.

Back to a man pursuing a woman, I am speaking from a man’s point of view so ladies let me know what your view is on this subject.  To start, I need to say that every man is a work in progress.  We all are learning as we go through life and as we trust in the Lord’s teachings.  God calls us to fix our eyes on Him and to run the race He has set before us. We are to throw off all the hindrances in our lives and seek Him fervently.

Heb 12:1-2  “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

When we seek Him first in our lives, then we will find out who we are and who God calls us to be.  Our society tells us that to be in a relationship is to be happy.  But the Bible tells us that we are to seek God first then He will provide all our needs.  We must know who we are and love who we are before we become involved with another person.  A person who is insecure with himself or herself, while single, will carry this insecurity into a relationship and tend to look to their partner to solve their insecurities.   This makes for a difficult relationship because God is the healer of our hearts, not the person you are in a relationship with.

A man of intention is a man who is able to lead with a servant’s heart.  He desires to know and understand the woman God has guided him to and he seeks to know her.  A man of intention thinks of ways to please the one he is with.  He desires to provide for her needs, he learns how she thinks, when she needs space, and how she loves God.  But most of all he learns what her actions are saying that she needs emotionally.  A man of intention will never force her to be with him.  He will explain his commitment to her and allow her to choose him.  God calls the man in a relationship to be the head of the house and to love his wife as Christ loves the church.  Therefore, it is only right for the man to allow the woman to choose him once a commitment is established.

Ephesians 5:23  “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

 

Ephesians 5:25-27  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

 

Revelations 3:20  “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”

To explain further about a man’s role in a relationship, I need to first explain the woman’s role.  A woman is to submit to her husband in everything and she is to respect her husband.  I would contend that it is the same in a dating relationship, but only within the boundaries that are established in the Bible for a dating relationship.

Ephesians 5:24  “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

Ephesians 5:33  “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

This is a difficult subject because our society says and teaches the exact opposite.  I believe that the reason this is so difficult for a women to understand is because they are not looking at the whole picture.  It is so easy for us to get caught up in thinking this is something I have to do and that it is all dependant on me.  I would challenge you to think otherwise.  God created Eve to be a helpmate to Adam, this would imply that they were a team.  For any team there has to be cooperation and working together in order to accomplish a task let-a-lone a lifetime together.  I believe that if a man fulfills his role in the relationship then a woman will feel free to fulfill her role, one role does not work without the other.  There is a risk involved in being vulnerable, but there is also a reward that is inexplicitly beautiful.

What does it mean to be a submissive girlfriend?

*    Letting your boyfriend lead, even when you know the direction the Lord is leading the both of you before he does.

*    Emotionally only linking yourself to your boyfriend after a commitment is made.

*    Respecting your boyfriend.

What does it mean for a boyfriend to court a woman?

*    Cover her spiritually.

*    Protect her emotions.

*    Be the leader in your relationship.

*    Guide your girlfriend in the ways of the Lord.

In closing I know there is a lot questions about compatibility, do opposites attract or should I seek someone who has a like personality.  I would suggest you go with the person that the Lord leads you to.  The only area that two people must be compatible is in their spiritual life.  This is the key factor in making a marriage work.

I’m confident I haven’t learned all I can in life, nor do I believe I am an expert on this subject.  So if there are questions about what is written above please let me know so I can dig deeper into the topic and grow along with you as we continue towards A closer relationship with Christ.

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